I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
birth control should be required to get into college
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
