I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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