Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I just cut my nipple shaving
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
