Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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