It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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