I think I died a long time ago.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
