her vagine was all disorganized.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Mom said you looked used
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Pants are for mortals
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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