She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
