shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
