Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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