They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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