dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
