I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
