8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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