I don't usually arrange sex via text message
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
