You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
either way he was missing a nipple.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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