Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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