Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
