I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
