i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
