the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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