Only a mothe r could love this liver
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
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he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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