All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
