i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He? As in you personified your dick?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
