ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
