so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Do vagina's smell?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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