we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
