Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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