I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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