Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
