I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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