...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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