I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
