I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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