OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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