i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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