i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
