last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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