Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
