On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
