look no pants
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
