this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
