I wish I could punch you in the face.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
