Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
