I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
