I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
