"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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