Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I need to calm my uterus...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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