Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
You don't make any sense
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