Small penises have feelings too.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
