I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
