He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just cropdusted the office
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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