I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
