Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
