Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
