This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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