You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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