I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
