I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
