so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
